My Journey This Year

It has been too long since I have blogged! To be honest, I have really been enjoying instagram, flickr and facebook for short updates rather than lengthy blog posts. I have gone back and forth about writing this post as it is personal, not 'fun' & not sewing related! In the end I decided that some things I've learned are worth sharing and possibly helping someone else in the same position. I have breast cancer. I had a mammogram in September, as usual, everything was clear. Come December, I found what I thought was a large lump. I was scared, but reasoned, "Surely this is nothing because it's so big and my mammogram was clear 3 months ago. It would have picked this up at the time." So I waited a few weeks and finally decided to get it checked out. Another mammo showed NOTHING, but an ultrasound showed the growth and it appeared to be 1 cm (seemed too small to me), so they recommended a biopsy. The biopsy revealed cancer & I can't tell you how completely shocked I was!! I am 45 moving along in life and not thinking it could ever happen to me. Of course, in my mind I was already in stage 4, ready to die, but thankfully that wasn't my eventual diagnosis. After a lumpectomy I found out the tumor was actually 3 cm. My surgeon, Dr. Leslie Memsic, said she got good margins and it ended up being in 1 lymph node which meant chemo. She is an awesome, awesome surgeon and person and told me not to worry because I was going to 'live happlily ever after'. After this journey. Ugh!! I had my first chemo this week along with a shot of Neulasta to boost my white blood cells & so I'm not feeling all that great today, but I am grateful for many things already. First of all, I am so grateful that I am saved by Jesus. He is the only one who can help me through this. There are times already that I have been afraid or unsure and there is no human on this planet that can give me comfort or reassurance at that time except for Him. I have no clue how anyone fights cancer without God, without Jesus & the Holy Spirit.  Secondly, I am grateful for the amazing love and support of my family, friends and online friends~ that's you! I've shared here and there and am so touched by so many people. There are blessings every day in my family and friendships that have helped sustain me. Next, I am grateful for my prognosis. It's really good. Like, once I have chemo (6 rounds, administered every 3 weeks) & radiation combined with anti-hormone pills, my reoccurance is less than 10%. Dr. Memsic said my risk of reoccurance is less than her risk & she hasn't had breast cancer!  So, those things will keep me going and I know I just need to keep my eye on the prize of finishing this treatment. Probably the end of summer. The last thing I want to list in my grateful lineup (but it is not the end of this list, just my top 4!) is the gift God has given me to create. The desire to create, the joy of making something beautiful. When I am in my sewing room,  I don't think about anything but what I'm working on. Absence of fear, worry and pain replaced by joy does wonders for my spirit! So I am still sewing, working on orders & just pacing myself with what I'm asked to do. Chances are I won't be blogging much but I will still be posting on instagram, flickr & facebook as I complete projects. I recently finished a quilt for Jennifer Paganelli that I absolutely LOVE using her upcoming Circa fabrics that will be out in May. So, I just want all of you to know that even if you have a clear mammgram & you feel a lump, get it checked out!!